I usually damp down the hope. Keep it buried and then I can't get hurt. Let it out, let it rise and there's a chance I can get hurt. And I'm one to take hurt and turn it into something drastic. So usually I don't hold my breath for anything. Can you blame me?
This time, though, I let my hopes take off and soar. I met this guy who seemed almost too good to be true (shouldn't that be a sign to me?) and so I let myself hope that maybe he was the real deal. He likes Animorphs, science fiction and being sarcastic. He's not had a "real" girlfriend. He's a Christian and he likes to travel and would be open to living in Canada. Match made in Heaven, right? I allowed myself to get my hopes up, he seemed to be "the one." Or at least, there seemed to be a good chance that he could become "the one."
I should never have gotten my hopes up. It's been over 2 weeks since I last talked to him and so now my hopes have crashed and burned. When am I going to understand that getting my hopes up regarding boys is ALWAYS a bad idea? I hate being bitter and I'd finally gotten into the rut of "I'm gonna be single forever, better get used to it" and then Mike came along. Maybe there was a chance for someone like me. Well, turns out I was probably wrong.
I'm going back to being my weird self. No hope, no dreams. Just me and God.
Well when you put it that way...I'll take me and God over me and a guy any day of the year.
Maybe it's not so bad after all.